When I get sick, I lose my voice. When it comes back, it starts in the lower registers first. This makes me sound very different from my normal self, as demonstrated in this phone call (note: I am an only child):
Dad: "Hello?"
me: "Hey Dad."
Dad: "Hello?"
me (straining to be louder): "Hey Dad."
Dad (totally puzzled): "Dad...?"
me: "Can you hear me?"
Dad: "Who is this?"
me: "It's (me)."
Dad (dead serious): "No, it can't be."
me (trying to scream): "It's me. My voice is ruined because I'm sick."
Dad: "Wow. I never would have recognized you. What happened to your voice?"
me: *headdesk*
Friday, January 4, 2013
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
I Can't Cook
I've been feeling under the weather, so I decided to try Wil Wheaton's vegetable soup recipe. However, the recipe looked a liiiiiiiiittle out of my depth. All that chopping? I'm way too lazy. If I buy vegetables that need to be chopped, they simply won't get eaten. So instead I created a Cheater Version:
1) Read original recipe four times. Decide it looks way too hard.
2) Go to food store. Rejoice that they have a pre-chopped carrot/celery/onion mix (guys, this was created for people like me). Buy two of them.
3) Add pre-sliced mushrooms, a can of diced tomatoes, 2 cans of tomato sauce, and garbanzo beans to the cart.
4) Toss in some frozen dinners, since you're there. No need to come back later when you decide cooking is too hard.
5) Get home and realize you forgot the bread. Decide that chips & salsa is just as good as bread, right?
6) Scrounge for large soup pot. Realize large soup pot has never been used before and needs to be cleaned.
7) Clean out all the science experiments from the fridge, while you're at it.
8) Toss all ingredients in the pot and turn on heat. Resolve to either clean stovetop or hire a cleaning service.
9) Google cleaning services in your area and submit an online price estimate form.
10) Put on a load of laundry. Discover that enough laundry has accumulated for three loads, and there's still a load in the dryer that hasn't been folded. (yay.)
11) Play on twitter and pinterest until the soup is ready.
12) Realize you don't have a ladle. Sing "Ladle, ladle, ladle, I made you out of clay..." to the tune of the Dreidel Song while you open every drawer and cupboard, thinking that a ladle may have magically appeared in your kitchen when you weren't paying attention.
13) Give up and use a spoon instead.
14) Eat.
1) Read original recipe four times. Decide it looks way too hard.
2) Go to food store. Rejoice that they have a pre-chopped carrot/celery/onion mix (guys, this was created for people like me). Buy two of them.
3) Add pre-sliced mushrooms, a can of diced tomatoes, 2 cans of tomato sauce, and garbanzo beans to the cart.
4) Toss in some frozen dinners, since you're there. No need to come back later when you decide cooking is too hard.
5) Get home and realize you forgot the bread. Decide that chips & salsa is just as good as bread, right?
6) Scrounge for large soup pot. Realize large soup pot has never been used before and needs to be cleaned.
7) Clean out all the science experiments from the fridge, while you're at it.
8) Toss all ingredients in the pot and turn on heat. Resolve to either clean stovetop or hire a cleaning service.
9) Google cleaning services in your area and submit an online price estimate form.
10) Put on a load of laundry. Discover that enough laundry has accumulated for three loads, and there's still a load in the dryer that hasn't been folded. (yay.)
11) Play on twitter and pinterest until the soup is ready.
12) Realize you don't have a ladle. Sing "Ladle, ladle, ladle, I made you out of clay..." to the tune of the Dreidel Song while you open every drawer and cupboard, thinking that a ladle may have magically appeared in your kitchen when you weren't paying attention.
13) Give up and use a spoon instead.
14) Eat.
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