"She's a bass!"

When I get sick, I lose my voice.  When it comes back, it starts in the lower registers first.  This makes me sound very different from my normal self, as demonstrated in this phone call (note: I am an only child):

Dad: "Hello?"
me: "Hey Dad."
Dad: "Hello?"
me (straining to be louder): "Hey Dad."
Dad (totally puzzled): "Dad...?"
me: "Can you hear me?"
Dad: "Who is this?"
me: "It's (me)."
Dad (dead serious): "No, it can't be."
me (trying to scream): "It's me.  My voice is ruined because I'm sick."
Dad: "Wow.  I never would have recognized you.  What happened to your voice?"
me: *headdesk*

I Can't Cook

I've been feeling under the weather, so I decided to try Wil Wheaton's vegetable soup recipe.  However, the recipe looked a liiiiiiiiittle out of my depth.  All that chopping?  I'm way too lazy.  If I buy vegetables that need to be chopped, they simply won't get eaten.  So instead I created a Cheater Version:

1) Read original recipe four times.  Decide it looks way too hard.
2) Go to food store.  Rejoice that they have a pre-chopped carrot/celery/onion mix (guys, this was created for people like me).  Buy  two of them.
3) Add pre-sliced mushrooms, a can of diced tomatoes, 2 cans of tomato sauce, and garbanzo beans to the cart.
4) Toss in some frozen dinners, since you're there.  No need to come back later when you decide cooking is too hard.
5) Get home and realize you forgot the bread.  Decide that chips & salsa is just as good as bread, right?
6) Scrounge for large soup pot.  Realize large soup pot has never been used before and needs to be cleaned.
7) Clean out all the science experiments from the fridge, while you're at it.
8) Toss all ingredients in the pot and turn on heat.  Resolve to either clean stovetop or hire a cleaning service.
9) Google cleaning services in your area and submit an online price estimate form.
10) Put on a load of laundry.  Discover that enough laundry has accumulated for three loads, and there's still a load in the dryer that hasn't been folded. (yay.)
11) Play on twitter and pinterest until the soup is ready.
12) Realize you don't have a ladle.  Sing "Ladle, ladle, ladle, I made you out of clay..." to the tune of the Dreidel Song while you open every drawer and cupboard, thinking that a ladle may have magically appeared in your kitchen when you weren't paying attention.
13) Give up and use a spoon instead.
14) Eat.

Hair Stylin'

My hair is very straight and flat, so I go to a little old Japanese man to get my hair done.  He knows how to make it look nice, with more volume and movement, and he's also hilarious.  The last time I got my hair cut was just before I was going to London for a trip.  When my hairdresser found out, he said, "Oh, I'll give you an extra-nice hair style for when you flirt with all the British boys!"

This time, we were talking about the unusually warm summer here.  I mentioned that it hasn't been too much of a problem for me, as I enjoy the hot weather.  My hairdresser immediately advised me to insist to my (imaginary) boyfriend that he have a home in Hawai'i.  He said, "It should be in your contract.  If your boyfriend doesn't have a home in Hawai'i, you cannot date him.  Make him sign that."

I love my hairdresser.  I told him to never change.

Maggie

Recent IM conversation between me and a friend:

friend: now if we could just get you control of magnetism, we'd be set

me: I love that you assume I'm secretly magneto

BECAUSE I AM

friend: impossible

he already exists

but you could be magenta

me: that is my other secret identity

friend: so you're both magneto and magneta?

me: Just call me "Maggie"

Union!!!

Just so y'all know...my team made the play-offs.

Halloween

Halloween's coming up! Costumes and candy! Huzzah!

So let's say you're a girl, and you'd like to dress up, and show off your femininity, but you don't want to be a "slutty" version of anything. (Seriously guys, there's a "slutty Big Bird" costume. Humanity is doomed.)

What are your options?

1) Princess
OK this one's easy. Find a pretty dress, add some costume jewelry and a tiara, maybe some long white gloves, and you're ready to go. Burst into song at random moments and the transformation is complete.

2) On the flip side, you could try a Disney villain. Not quite as easy as the princess costume, but about as many characters to choose from. Maleficent, the Wicked Queen, the Evil Stepmother, Madam Medusa or Madam Mim, even Ursula, are iconic and playfully wicked. Bonus points if you dress up as Maleficent in her dragon form.

But what if you're not a Disney person? (Get the hell out of my blog.)

OK, OK, what if you'd rather be a little more kick-ass? May I suggest:

3) Sci-fi babe
There are a ton to choose from: Zoe from Firefly, Janeway from Star Trek, Ivanova from Babylon 5, Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica, River Song from Doctor Who. Get some old military-ish clothing, a fake gun (or heck, a squirt gun, and call it "irony"), and perfect your steely gaze. (I'd recommend not going as Leia, because you know half a dozen douche-canoes are gonna ask you to go put on your metal bikini.)

Oh, you're not a sci-fi fan? You're more literary? How about:

4) Literary lady
Any character from Austen or the Bronte sisters would work. Liz Bennett, Anne Eliot, Jane Eyre...Find a nice period dress, do your hair in a bazillion curls, and practice being headstrong while following perfect etiquette.

But guys, it's Halloween! It's supposed to be scary!

5) Spooky stuff
There are always the old standards: ghost, vampire, zombie, the Grim Reaper. Death from Sandman is a fairly low-key costume to pull off, and appropriate for the season. Or wear a nightgown backwards, dribble green food coloring on your chin, and go as that girl from The Exorcist.

As a last resort, if you have no time to throw together a costume, just wear your regular clothes and say you're a hipster and that "Halloween is just another commercialized extravaganza." Then drink your Pabst Blue Ribbon and expound on the reasons mainstream culture is turning everyone else into sheep.

A Lovely Weekend

Last night (Friday), I went to the Art Museum for Art After 5. There was some live jazz playing; I had a glass of red wine; and I wandered through the galleries. (And Impressionism looks even better when you're slightly buzzed!) It was a wonderful date - with myself. I need to take me out more often. ;-)

This morning, when I woke up, I found out that New York has now legalized same-sex marriage! 6 states down, 44 to go. And when I looked outside my window, there was a baby bunny in my front yard. I tried to take a few pictures without scaring it away.

Then this evening I tried a new local beer (well, new to me, anyway) and watched the Philly Union game. The first half had me worried, but we pulled it off in the end! My poor cat; she was very confused by my chants of "DOOP DOOP DOOP!!"

All in all, it was quite a nice weekend.

Nathan Fillion is an Awesome Donut

A conversation between myself and two (equally nerdy) friends (edited for clarity):

A: i never quite got into firefly
does that make me evil?
everyone loves it?

B: did you watch it from the beginning?
i didn't get it at first either

A: i did

B: i still don't like the movie

A: well, the movie was a bit tacked on

me: the movie was just totally different in tone
and I'm not sure hating it makes you evil, but it might make you crazy

A: oh no, i don't hate it
just not in love

B: but nathon fillion...
nathan

A: mmmmmmm...........
i mean, yeah he's alright

B: he's not your type

me: ok, see this is what makes me certifiably insane
I <3 <3 <3 Nathan FIllion

B: but platonically

me:EXACTLY
he's pretty much awesome sauce covered in awesome
but I don't find him attractive at all.

B: i don't really find him attractive
nice body in Dr. horrible, but not really
shouldn't the awesome be covered in awesome sauce
not the other way around

me: either way
maybe he's an awesome jelly donut with stuffed awesome sauce O_o

B:ookay
he's an awesome donut

me: he is an awesome donut!

4 books

I read an interesting hypothetical online today: "If you could prevent four books (or series) from being destroyed forever, which would you choose?"

There are two answers to this, I guess. One would be if I had to choose four books just for myself. That was the slightly easier question. I would choose:
Asimov's Foundation series
The Three Musketeers Saga
The Complete Sherlock Holmes
The Feynman Lectures on Physics

These are books I could not live without.

But, if I had to choose for all of humanity? That becomes a more difficult problem. Should I choose Great Works of Literature? By whose metric? What should I choose from Shakespeare, or Homer, or Dante; Goethe or Moliere? What about non-Western literature, about which I know far less than I should? What about science texts? Could humanity afford to lose Newton's Principia Mathematica? Or Darwin's On the Origin of the Species? Do I need to choose the Bible, or the Koran, or the Torah, or some other religious or holy book?

Faced with these dilemmas, I think I'd have to choose books that challenged me personally, or forced me to think, or contained ideas I think others should consider. To Kill a Mockingbird makes the list, hands-down. So does Inherit the Wind. I would probably add 1984. And Jacob Marley's Christmas Carol, by Tom Mula.

Look for upcoming posts on what those books mean to me.

They're practically the same movie!

Recently, I spent a weekend visiting some friends. Since a few of them had never seen "Rocky Horror Picture Show", we watched it. Then, being in the mood for another movie in which Tim Curry is ridiculous, we watched "Clue." And it struck me that there are similarities between the two:

1) Tim Curry stars in them (duh)
2) Both include scenes of a dinner party gone wrong
3) The butler did it (ok ok, technically Riff-raff is a "handyman." I think my point stands.)
4) The "bad guy" gets kneed in the groin
5) Aggressive dogs keep people from leaving
6) Both take place in a castle / mansion in the US
7) It's raining when the guests arrive
8) The guests don't know what they're eating until it's too late
9) Someone comes "back from the dead", only to be killed again a short while later (Eddie, Mr. Boddy)
10) Alcoholic beverages get splashed all over the table, in between glasses.

Teh Awesum

Recently I've been finding a lot of awesome around teh interwebs, so I thought I'd just post a bunch of links with brief descriptions.


1) You know how things from the 80's are sort of simultaneously horrific and amazing?

So I was reading Topless Robot, and at the end of one post was a link titled, "Has anyone seen Tim Curry's tamborine?" Curious title. I think I'll click the link.

And was treated to this explosion of awesomeness.

(Some of the comments are also pretty spectacular.)

It's like someone asked a group of 2nd graders to come up with words that rhyme, and then they pieced together a song, and the effects guys threw in pictures of all the random stuff, and Tim Curry put on a large cape and sang it.

What part of this is not epic?

2) Another curiously titled link, this time on Mental Floss: "strange charm." Could this have anything to do with particle physics? Why YES! Yes it does!

3) As a Trekkie myself, I was glad to see that my colleagues were quick to set things straight. This article (correction, really) made my week. (found via Techland)

4) Speaking of things Trek, My dad and I are going to see Patrick Stewart on Broadway this weekend; according to my dad our seats are so close that "if he slips and falls off the stage he'll land in your lap!"

With that in mind, my friend Erin has been nagging me to watch this video; I finally got around to it and...wow.

5) And finally...THE MICHAEL BAYIFIER!!! I had far too much fun with this.

Philosophy

I'm generally not shy about my hatred for philosophy. I think it's because I'm scientifically-minded; I like to test theories, not just debate them. And a lot of times it seems like philosophers argue about semantics and language so abstract that what they're saying has no real meaning. Other times, it seems like philosophers argue about things that could be tested or understood scientifically.

I'm not gonna say that all philosophy is bunk; I understand that philosophy helps exercise logical and critical thinking muscles. However, a lot of times I read a philosophical argument or brainteaser and have to roll my eyes. For example, I recently read this article on "philosophical brainteasers" and they all seem to fall into one of two categories:
1) things that people think are paradoxes because they don't properly understand math and science, or
2) arguments based on contradicting definitions.

Over the next several posts, I'll go through them and explain my thoughts on each of the paradoxes. If there's a lack of science / math understanding, I'll point that out and do my best to correct the misunderstanding. If it's a semantics argument, I'll point that out too.

I realize that a lot of this is going to sound pretty snarky. And like I said, I have respect for philosophy as a means to sharpen logic and critical thinking. But I also hate it when people equate something scientific with something mystical or abstract. (I'm thinking mostly of brain twister #8. I did a facepalm as soon as I read that one. Basic misunderstanding of physics going on there.)

And yeah, it'll probably take a while for me to get through all of them. I'm not exactly regular about posting stufff...

(although as I have zero followers I don't think it's really an issue. If you've stumbled upon my blog, HI! leave a comment so I know my words aren't going into the great black hole of cyberspace.)

Pizza

Well it's Wednesday, which means that it is the Day of Great Decision
here at work.

First, we have to decide whether or not to get a "specialty" pizza (as
opposed to plain). This requires at least 3 people, preferably 4.
Often, there are several people in the "I'll get a specialty pizza if
there are enough people, but I'm not gonna be emphatic about it."
Which of course complicates matters. And then there are the guys who
might have brought lunch, but are willing to chip in for pizza and eat
the lunch they brought on Thursday. But only if the rest of us need
another person.

Then, if it's been decided to get a specialty pizza, we have to decide
which one to get. We've never had a bad pizza, so no one really wants
to choose because there isn't a lot of strong feeling about a "best"
or "worst" to get. (There's a lot of "Does this sound good to
everyone?" "Yup sounds fine." "Or how about this one?" "Also good."
in this round.) If someone who does not normally get specialty pizza
decides to try it, we make that person choose.

FINALLY, it's time for money collection. Pizza slices are $1.50 /
slice (plain) and $2 / slice (specialty). And there's always at least
one person who recently had to go to the ATM and hasn't bought
anything since then so all they have is twenties. So we have the
great "I'll pay for everyone's pizza with my $20 if everyone gives me
what they owe" finagling, with various people trying to trade money
amongst ourselves to get the correct change to give the guy who only
has $20's. My hand to God, one of my coworkers paid in dimes one
week.

And that's the news from your Friendly Neighborhood Engineers.

UPDATE 03/17/11
Bug has illustrated this beautifully. (This has fast become one of my favorite webcomics.)

"Moral Hotness"

I was thinking the other day about how unfair it seems that people with good looks get all the good publicity. Shouldn't other traits be more important? Case in point: once a year, People Magazine dedicates an issue to the "hottest" men. But I think having integrity and moral fiber is more important than being "hot."

So, I think I'll do a blog entry on men who are "morally hot." And, I'm asking for submissions! (I have two of my own who are making the list.) Here are the rules:

1) For now, it's men only. I will probably do a post at some point in the future on morally hot women. But now is not that time.
2) The man you nominate does not need to be physically attractive! Don't feel sheepish about nominating someone because you know he's not particularly cute. That's not what this is about. Moral hotness is the key.
3) The man you nominate must be currently alive. Going through the annals of history for morally hot men would take far too long.
4) The man you nominate must be nominally famous. Maybe your next-door-neighbor saves orphaned kittens after his day-job performing heart transplants on refugee children from Franistan. Don't nominate him. (Bonus points if you get the "Franistan" reference.) What qualifies as "nominally famous"? It's kind of subjective. If your guy has a fan page on facebook, that makes him at least nominally famous. Ditto if the New York Times has mentioned him (however briefly). You can always provide a reason with your submission as to why your guy should be considered.
5) Include in your submission a brief explanation of why your guy is morally hot. It can be an anecdote, a brief biography, whatever. If you have a picture of him, include it.

Happiness Happens Month

Happy Happiness Happens Month, everyone!

Yup, I'm a member of the Secret Society of Happy People. Wishing you all a very happy August.

To celebrate the beginning of Happiness Happens Month, I did something that makes both me and someone else happy - I cut my hair and donated it to Locks of Love. So I get a cute new haircut, and a child fighting cancer gets new hair!

Spread the cheer...

Feynman

This is my last day of work before my wedding, so naturally I was thinking about physics. (I'm trying to keep myself grounded and calm.) Earlier I was thinking, "Gee, it'd be nice to read an article or something either by or about Richard Feynman." And, lo and behold, Mental Floss posted several youTube videos of an interview of him. So I played them in the background while working. Nothing is quite as soothing as listening to a scientific explanation when you're all stressed out. At least if you're me. =) Perfect timing, Mental Floss.

Woman-cave

It's a trend for men to make "man-caves" (places in their home with lots of electronic equipment, a Lay-Z-Boy, and easy access to beer). These are supposedly places of retreat where no woman is allowed.

Well, today my fiance mentioned that the stock market is starting to go down again, and I thought, "I need a woman-cave to hide in when he and my dad start shrieking about the economy." So, what should I put in my woman-cave?

I'll definitely need lots of chocolate and books - pretty much everything by Jane Austen, plus some of my favorite Dumas titles (The Count of Monte Cristo and The Three Musketeers). What else? Maybe some manicure/pedicure equipment: nail file, toe separators, and nail polish. Also some pillows and blankets so I can curl up as I read. I think an iPod, loaded with classical music, would not go amiss.

Any recommendations?

This semester's gonna suck

Between April and October, I have 6 weddings and 1 qualifying exam.

• I will be a bridesmaid in 3 weddings
• 3 weddings require a plane trip
• One of the weddings is my own

Meanwhile, I have a full-time job, 2 graduate-level engineering classes, and PhD research. Plus my fiance and I just bought a condo and we're moving in before February 1st.

I may not sleep until next Thanksgiving...

Snap, Crackle, & Pop

A little background:

If you're trying to describe the motion of something, the first thing you need is its position. If you measure the rate of change of its position, that's called velocity. The rate of change of velocity is acceleration.

I'd always wondered what the rate of change of acceleration was, until one day in college one of my professors mentioned in passing that this quantity does in fact have a name; the rate of change of acceleration is called "jerk."

So, naturally, I had to start wondering what the rate of change of jerk is. But I wonder no more! Thanks to this post in Cosmic Variance, I now know that the rate of change of jerk is snap.

But wait! There's more! The rate of change (derivative) of snap is crackle, and the derivative of crackle is pop.

Snap, crackle, pop. Never let it be said that scientists have no sense of humor.

The Science of Love

This article's kinda long, but I enjoyed it. I'm enough of a Vulcan to be tickled pink that love has a perfectly logical, scientific explanation.

After all, as Richard Feynman said, "Poets say science takes away from the beauty of the stars — mere globs of gas atoms. Nothing is "mere". I too can see the stars on a desert night, and feel them. But do I see less or more?"